Wednesday 7 September 2011 by Waylandsmithy

BBC unveils talent show for men who only dance at weddings


The BBC has this week unveiled its latest talent show which is aimed squarely at contestants who are wallflowers, the socially awkward and the moderately inebriated.

Aware that most men only consider dancing after a minimum of 12 units of alcohol, the show is expected to see a record number of applicants.

As the show’s producer explains, “Our test audience told us that men don’t like watching confident, talented male dancers.”

“The majority don’t appreciate the finer nuances of their style, preferring instead to question their sexuality.”

“However, when we accidentally showed them a video from my sister’s wedding, we made a surprising discovery: most males admire a sweaty, dishevelled bloke throwing a few moves after a skinful.”

New BBC Dance show

‘Strictly Bar Room’ will be filmed in front of a lively stewed audience and contestants will leap to the dance floor when a tune catches their attention, but will be breathalysed if they appear too co-ordinated.

“Each contestant will have to demonstrate a mastery of the standard dances, including ‘The Lasso’, ‘Big-Fish-Little-Fish-Cardboard-Box’ and ‘The Wavy-armed Robot’.” explained the show’s producer.

“We’re encouraging our judges to be a little more generous with their scores this year: we don’t want any punch-ups in the car park”.

Unlike other talent shows, sob stories will not be encouraged.

When a contestant in the pilot show broke down in tears, after realising he ‘really bloody loved his kids’, it caused a chain-reaction of blubbing.

“It went on for nearly an hour. In the end, We had to snap them out of it with an emergency gala pie and a round of Flaming Sambucas.”

Naturally, the show will be hosted by Bruce Forsyth.

“These contestants face some unique challenges: the slurred speech, the lapses in memory, the constant burping and farting. But you have to make allowances: Brucey’s getting on a bit these days.”

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