Monday 5 September 2011 by Waylandsmithy

Think-tank demands lollipop ladies wear uniforms ‘to and from work’


Lollipop ladies to wear uniforms on way to work.

Lollipop ladies say a think tank has ‘crossed a line’ after suggesting they should wear their uniforms while off-duty.

“This job is hard enough as it is,” fumed Doris Higgins, a road negotiation assistant with some 30 years’ experience.

“I already spend upwards of 45 minutes a day helping children cross the road. Now they expect me to intervene in other traffic on my way to work?”

Unions have claimed the plans could endanger their members.

“This is a risky career choice anyway, without advertising where you live”, claimed Derek Holt, a representative of the lollipop union, UCROS.

“I’ve heard of at least two lollipops being stolen for their scrap value.”

“Do we really want gangs of kids hanging around our workers’ homes, asking for a lick and making jokes about them being cross all the time?”

Travel in uniform

This isn’t the first controversial recommendation to affect the profession.

25% of ‘back room staff’ face redundancy, putting more pressure on the frontline staff. “My husband used to polish my lollipop”, snapped Doris angrily. “now I suppose I’ll have to do it myself.”

“The handle gets plastered with all the sticky sweets that my ‘customers’ offer me. The latest guidelines say that if I’m offered any, I have to walk away, wait a bit, and then come back.”

Doris claims the job is a lot more stressful than when she first started. “The public expect so much from us, and then there’s all the new rules and restrictions from Brussels.”

“’Don’t stay in the road too long’, ‘don’t let the children try on your hat’, ‘don’t whack cars with your stick when they fail to stop.’ Crossing the road used to be so black and white, but these days I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.”

“They’ve introduced so many kerbs and barriers, I’m not sure where I stand. “

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