Friday 2 September 2011 by @CJWorkmanNews

Manchester United reveal Glazers to steal record £110.9m from club this year


Announcements that Manchester United’s owners are planning to float the club on the Singapore Stock Exchange in order to steal £600m have been followed by reports that the Glazers are to steal a record £110.9m as a result of operations this year.

Brian Wood of the Manchester United Supporters’ Club reacted, “As fans, we are obviously delighted to learn that the club is bringing in even more cash for the owners to withdraw in ‘travel expenses’ and ‘drawings’.”

“Another year like this and they might just decide to piss off before their luck finally runs out.”

“Not to mention the fantastic investments in young players like goalkeeper David De Gea – if I can get away with calling him a ‘goalkeeper’.”

Glazers swimming in United profits

The impressive numbers have been aided by United making it all the way to being battered in last season’s Champions League final, and strict constraints on the transfer budget over the summer which have resulted in Tom Cleverly breaking into the first team.

There has also been a sharp increase in revenue over the past few days following the release of a t-shirt branded ‘We 8 (-2) Arsenal’.

“We are thrilled at the new figures which confirm that Manchester United is enabling us to take increasing amounts of money from the Asian markets and use it to keep our other operations running,” revealed a Glazer family representative.

“The best part is, no matter how difficult we make it for Fergie, he still keeps us winning more stuff than the rest of the Premier League put together.”

“We don’t really understand soccer – or whatever they call it over there – but we like it as it’s keeping us from going bankrupt.”

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