Friday 2 September 2011 by Spacey

Dog walkers and cows urged to undergo urgent peace talks


The UN has urged dog walkers and cows to gather round the negotiating table in the hope that they can put an end to the tensions that are threatening to boil over into a full-blown conflict.

The dispute, which is centred around a long-running disagreement over land rights, has resulted in casualties on both sides.

“Whilst we fully appreciate the complexity of the situation we would urge leaders from both sides to end this stand-off and find some common ground so that together we can find a solution that is acceptable to both parties” said a UN spokesperson.

Dog walkers have long argued that if they stopped crossing the cows’ field they would have to take a detour over a housing estate that would put an extra 15 minutes on their journey.

“15 minutes might not sound a lot, but when you’ve got to get to work, or Countdown is about to start then it becomes crucial,” said 43 year old dog walker Miriam Bletchley.

Cow tension rising

Cows have dismissed this and also calls to redefine the boundaries to the field allowing dog walkers safe passage by insisting that any dog walker straying into their field is carrying out an “act of aggression”.

“We will not tolerate this sort of war-mongering and provocation,” slammed a spokescow.

“Any such acts will be met with stern resistence consisting of staring and fast walking that could possibly break into a jog.”

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