Friday 26 August 2011 by Spacey

Number of people describing themselves as cuddly continues to increase


A study carried out by medical journal The Lancet, has claimed that the number of people describing themselves as ‘cuddly but with a great sense of humour’ is set to increase significantly in the next 20 years.

Tougher action on obesity-related problems, such as garish shirts and a serious misuse of the word ‘voluptuous’ must be tackled, the report says.

With the levels of annoyingly loud people who ‘have a lot of love to give’ already at epidemic proportions, news that it could get worse will come as a blow to people who just fancy a quiet night out.

The report is also critical of Public health minister Anne Milton’s insistence that the best way to achieve results is by “saying lots of words that don’t actually mean anything”.

Obesity epidemic

“The UK is second only to America when it comes to the number of people who have a full figure, an outgoing personality and are looking for friendship,” revealed Oxford University expert Professor Klim McPherson.

Dr Frank Atherton, president of the Association of Directors of Public Health, said: “We found that some people had a very real phobia of salad which could only be alleviated by the addition of lots of cake.

Unfortunately, the consumption of lots of cake can cause separate issues such as over-the-top jolliness and non-existent glandular problems.”

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