Wednesday 24 August 2011 by Mark Cowling

X-Factor reject blames family for happy upbringing


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A recent reject from ITV’s Saturday night ratings-winner, X-Factor, has blamed her exit on the loving, supportive and stable environment in which she was raised.

A tearful Whitney Smith was quick to blame her supportive parents for her not progressing onto the next round of the singing competition.

“When Dermot asked me for my story, I had nothing. My parents have always been really supportive. My father’s always worked in a decent white-collar profession and their marriage is as strong as ever.”

“I just don’t have a story of hardship or personal tragedy. I’ll never forget the look of disgust on Dermot’s face.”

“I blame myself,” added Mr Smith, Whitney’s father.

“If only I hadn’t taken care of myself all these years. Imagine me lying on my death-bed, machines bleeping, tubes everywhere, telling the cameras I just hope to see my little poppet achieve her dreams before I go.”

“That would be worth a final-five place minimum.”

X Factor reject

Visibly upset, Mr Smith struggled to hold back the tears. “I’ve taken every test going, but nothing. No tumours, failing heart valves, not even high blood pressure. I’d even have settled for some kind of suspicious shadow on an x-ray.”

Mrs Smith was equally remorseful, “I can’t help wishing we’d just taken the effort to beat her every now and then.”

“Nothing over the top, you know. Just enough to leave some marks. An anonymous call to social services and then the rest takes care of itself.”

Mr Smith agreed with this sentiment. “All those years of love and support, you think you’re helping. I can’t believe how foolish we were. But lessons have been learned.”

“Our ten-year-old, Jack, he’s going to be a big star,” added Mrs Smith, beaming with pride.

“We keep Jack locked in a cupboard 23 hours a day. Only letting him out for a good thrashing every now and then. One day he’ll thank us.”

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