Friday 19 August 2011 by Gary Stanton

Dorset man pulled free from sister


A Dorset man had to be winched clear of his sister last night after flash flooding brought an abrupt end to incestuous goings on across the county.

The couple, Billy and Lucy Risley, from Christchurch, both aged eighteen, were out celebrating Ms Risley’s A Level results with a romantic candlelit dinner when flash floods struck the town.

As the downpour began, the pair defied society’s norms by fleeing the Zizzi restaurant, hand in hand, to the relative safety of their car where they cemented their unholy bond.

But as the rain lashed down, God showed His displeasure by surrounding the vehicle with mighty torrents, trapping the two lovers, in scenes reminiscent of the biblical floods but with a Ford Fiesta instead of an Ark.

Dorset flooding

Elsewhere, the floods put a stop to an amyl-fuelled family reunion in Lulworth and in Poole six children were forced to seek alternative accommodation after the family dungeon was completely submerged.

Timothy Welsby of Dorset Helicopter Rescue Service said, “We received a call from a local man clearly in distress at having lost a) his virginity b) an engagement ring and c) a cassette recording of The Wurzels 1976 hit ‘I’ve got a brand new combine harvester’.”

“For our crews this was a very dangerous operation given the squally conditions and the fact that this man was in right up to his balls.”

Ms Risley added, “I was just a girl sat on top of a boy asking him to incur the full wrath of the judicial system and, in all probability, a hefty custodial sentence . “

“Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed.”

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