Monday 15 August 2011

Isn’t it about time we gentrified the blacks, asks David Starkey


Historian David Starkey has suggested that the recent riots across the country are due to society not making enough of an effort to gentrify the black community.

Starkey spoke on television to offer his theories as to the cause of the recent riots, whilst also appearing to channel your long dead Granddad.

He told viewers, “I swear they wouldn’t know one end of a croquet mallet from the other.  Put one in their hands and they’re likely to use it to smash the nearest Currys’ window.”

“It’s sad, but I know for a fact that there are many white families in middle-England who would be happy to assist in the gentrification process.”

“I imagine a programme of social change where each white family could take in one black person to ‘train’ would be very popular?”

“I know for a fact that most of the white families where I live would be happy to have one come and stay with them for a while.”

“Of course, they would have to pay their way, so there might be a few domestic chores to do, but they’d be getting a priceless education in civility in return.”

David Starkey’s special place

Television viewers suggested that it takes a special kind of racist to make the points Starkey did without wearing a pillow case that you’ve cut eye holes in.

Viewer Mike Williams told us, “You have to take your hat off to him – in the modern day it’s almost impossible to use Enoch Powell’s Rivers of Blood speech and the phrase ‘he was right you know’ without finding yourself berated across the media.”

“But he’s done it quite magnificently.”

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