Thursday 11 August 2011

Insurers refusing to pay out for victims of ‘politician visits’


Leading insurers are facing a consumer backlash after business owners across the country were told they could not claim for the mental anguish caused by repeated visits from politicians.

With many shops facing significant bills for repairs following recent looting, this is yet another kick in the teeth for those business people left patronised and subjected to vicious condescension.

Croydon Jeweller Mitch Feinberg told us, “I told my insurer I’d been exposed to nearly twenty minutes of Boris Johnson platitudes and soundbites, but now they’re telling me I can’t claim for it.”

“They never mention this stuff in the sales material –  that if something you claim for leads to a visit from by a politician, then tough.”

“If they’d have told me that, I’d have shopped around a lot more and found an insurer that covered me for this distress.”

“That said, I have heard a rumour that if you’ve had a visit from David Cameron in the last three years your premium goes through the roof.”

Politician visits not covered

Shop owners in Birmingham were applauded by community leaders after they formed a human barricade to prevent a visit by deputy prime minister Nick Clegg.

Sports shop manager Mike Stovell spoke on behalf of the local shop owners, telling reporters, “We’ve had enough, simple as that.”

“If the police can’t protect us from these vile leeches, then we’ll take matters into our own hands.”

“Thankfully they all seem to be cowards, so as soon as they saw the line we’d made they scurried off looking for their next victims.”

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