Tuesday 9 August 2011 by Spacey

Careers advice service to be replaced with general apathy


Experts have warned that a re-organisation of careers advice services in England could lead to young people receiving advice from an apathetic physics teacher who is pre-occupied with the racing section of the Sporting Life.

The warning has come from a group of experts, which consists of head teachers, education experts, business leaders and trade unions, whose job is to provide advice for the government to then completely ignore.

Brian Lightman, Association of School and College Leaders general secretary and a member of the advisory group said, “If today’s young people could forge a successful career from shrugging their shoulders, unintelligable grunting and slouching, then this wouldn’t be an issue.”

“But unfortunately young people need expert advice and encouragement to help make what is a massive decision.”

“And it’s harder to make such decisions when you’re being advised by someone who is distracted by radio commentary of the 2.30 at Chepstow.”

Careers advice

A spokesperson for the Department of Education said, “I think it’s clear to see from the disorder currently taking place on the streets at the moment that young people don’t deserve any opportunities.”

“If we can show them that we don’t care about them and that they have no future, I’m sure they’ll soon buck their ideas up.”

“It’s called ‘tough love’.”

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