Wednesday 3 August 2011

Internet Explorer users to continue eating crayons


After research showed that users of Internet Explorer have a lower than average IQ, many of the browser’s fans reacted by saying ‘you should try the green ones, they’re a bit waxy but also very delicious’.

Consulting firm AptiQuant found that the average Internet Explorer had the intellect of a four year-old child, but without the technological expertise you’d expect from someone that age.

A spokesperson for the firm said, “This doesn’t come as any surprise, surely?”

“The only possible reason for anyone to be using Internet Explorer, is because they live in 1995.  Or because they’ve just upgraded from Netscape.”

“We measured this through a free IQ test on our website, but we were inundated with complaints from IE users who thought they were going to be on a Stephen Fry show.”

Internet Explorer is stupid

Internet users have suggested that maybe Internet Explorer could be used as a way to lure people away from the electoral roll, or perhaps to introduce a new eugenics programme.

Social anthropologist Simon Davies told us, “They are a threat to the development of the human race, it’s as simple as that – but never before have we had such an easily identifiable marker for below average intellect.”

“I’m not a fan of enforced sterilisation programmes, but surely it’s time to give it another crack?”

We asked regular Internet Explorer user Reg Williams for his views on the survey, and to see if he’d like to offer a rebuttal argument. He told us, “I done a toilet.”

 

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