A new nasal spray which claims to give you an all over tan has finally proven once and for all that image-obsessed morons will do literally anything to improve the appearance of the veneer on their shallow existence.
The Ubertan Sunless Tanning System has somehow convinced a large number of idiots to spray chemicals up their nose in the hope it will turn their skin brown.
Ubertan user Sharon Williams told us, “It make perfect sense if you think about it. Your nose is attached to your face, which is attached to your skin, which is where the tan goes.”
“I feel browner already. As soon as this incredibly painful headache goes away I’ll open my eyes and look at myself in the mirror.”
“I can’t wait.”
Nasal spray tan
Health officials have said it’s really not worth their time warning people of the dangers of Ubertan, as those individuals gullible enough to use it are unlikely to live very long, anway.
A spokesperson from the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency told us, ”If you’re the sort of person willing to ingest strange materials in the slim hope it will make you look better, then to be honest, you getting ill and dying isn’t exactly a tragic loss to the human race.”
“It’s not like we’d be losing a cure for cancer here, is it.”
However, NHS spokesperson Simon Davies said, “Look, we’re not saying Ubertan is safe to use, I’m merely pointing out that if you’ve bought Ubertan in the past, please get in touch as I’ve got some amazing magic beans you might like.”