Monday 1 August 2011

Perhaps you’d like to refer to me as a ‘murderous weirdo’ as well, nation asks tabloids


After hearing of the payout to Jo Yeates’ landlord Christopher Jeffries, the public has suggested that perhaps the tabloid media would like to publish photos of it, whilst strongly implying that it is a weirdo capable of killing young women.

The settlement granted to Jeffries came after the courts ruled that a funny haircut and eccentric demeanour does not automatically make you the ‘one wot did it’, no matter what The Sun tells you.

A lawyer representing Mr Jeffries, told the gatherered reporters, “We hope that this payout will signal an end to wild speculation in the tabloid media, and put a stop to their craven desire for sensationalist angles on human tragedies.”

“Of course, we know full well that it won’t, but we’re just going on record saying we hope it will.”

“It would also help if everyone treated the tabloids like that mentally ill homeless man who lives in the park.”

“You know the one, he’s forever shouting his absurd opinions on things, but no-one ever listens to him.  It’s a model we as a society would do we to adopt with the tabloid media.”

Chris Jeffries payout

Members of the public who are short of a bob or two, have said that being the centre of some sensational tabloid speculation is just what they need right now.

Dave Williams told us, “I’ve got my eye on a new car, so if someone at News International were to suggest that my hair is funny, or I dress a little unusually and therefore I probably killed someone, then that might go some way towards covering the costs.  You know?”

“Here’s a photo of me looking quite menacing at my cousin’s wedding, you could run that if you like.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: