Monday 1 August 2011 by Spacey

Musicians sound so much better when they’re dead, confirm public


After Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black went to the top of the charts, the public have revealed that the quality of a musician’s recordings are significantly enhanced by their untimely death.

New queen of the dead scene, Amy Winehouse, successfully developed the sound at her home in Camden, north London, just over a week ago to much public acclaim.

“I’d never really been a fan of her alive stuff,” revealed one new fan. “but I really connect with her new dead sound, despite it being essentially the same.”

“I mean, I despise Jedward, but if they were to die in an ugly car wreck, I’d go straight out and buy Planet Jedward.  Probably.”

Winehouse top of the charts

With two albums currently in the top five, and five singles in the top forty, Winehouse’s success is sure to influence other artists.

Jamiroquai frontman, Jay Kay is one of many performers considering adapting their sound to appeal to fans of the dead sound.

“I’ve been inundated with requests over the years from music lovers asking me to drive one of my many, many sports cars at high speed into a brick wall.” he revealed.

“I have to admit that having hit singles without the hassle of writing new material is quite appealing.”

Sunday’s singles chart was topped by She Makes Me Wanna, by JLS featuring Dev, prompting some to call for the band, their management, producers, songwriters, their families and anyone who’s ever met them to all commit suicide.

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