Monday 25 July 2011

One dead drug addict more lucrative than 93 murdered Norwegians, confirms media


The nation’s media confirmed this weekend what many had suspected for years, that the death of one celebrity is significantly more lucrative than the murder of lots of foreigners.

With blanket coverage of Amy Winhouse’s tragic death, the UK tabloid industry has been quick to blame you personally by insisting that you don’t buy papers to read about dead people who don’t speak English.

A Mail on Sunday insider told us, “If you want us to write about murdered Norwegian teenagers then tell them to write a few hit albums first.”

“What possible interest would readers of the Mail have in the deaths of people they’ve never heard of, or a murderer called Anders Breivik? Unless they were living in the UK illegally we have no interest in criminals.”

“We’re not here to educate our readership, we’re here to titillate them with minor details of the things we’ve spent years conditioning them to believe are important.”

“And may I say, I think we’ve done a pretty good job on that conditioning.”

 Media coverage

With the rush to provide a new angle on the tragic death of a 27 year-old singer, the tabloid industry has reminded everyone to call them if anyone finds a photo of a particularly attractive Norwegian victim.

“Beautiful people sell ‘newspapers’, if I can refer to our product that way.” said a Sunday Mirror insider.

“But not as much as dead beautiful people, so if you’ve got any pics, please let us know.”

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