Friday 22 July 2011

We’re still classifying Budweiser as pop, clarifies Russia


Russia has been quick to clarify that although they no longer classify beer as a foodstuff, weak american lagers such as Budweiser are still considered nothing more than a refreshing drink for a child.

The announcement comes after Russian president Dmitry Medvedev signed a bill which prevented Russians counting a bottle of wine as one of their ‘five a day’.

“What we are doing is making Russians healthy,” said a government spokesperson.

“Your five a day must now come from things which do not have much alcohol, like a banana, an apple, or Fosters.”

“If you want a proper drink, stick to the Russian stuff.”

Russian beer classification

The announcement has led to a new marketing slogan for Budwesier in Russia, with billboards now proclaiming “Won’t get you drunk, unless you’re an American?”, and “Designated driver? Drink Budweiser.”

It is hoped the new rules will change the drinking culture in Russia, and alter the firmly held view that Russians “wouldn’t drink that western piss-water if you paid them”.

President Medvedev concluded by telling reporters, “I am no longer a drinker, and I hope my fellow Russians will join me in that pledge to become healthier.”

“For now, I eat healthily, enjoy visits to the gym, and re-hydrate afterwards by having no more than a few dozen Budweisers.”

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