Thursday 21 July 2011 by Gary Stanton

Murdoch loses patience with two hundred piece jigsaw puzzle


Rupert Murdoch has neither the patience nor the mental agility to complete a two hundred piece jigsaw of a choo choo train, it has emerged.

The jigsaw, a gift from his grandson, shows the delayed 15:45 service from Paddington to Exeter, changing at Bristol Temple Meads.

Murdoch had planned to complete the relatively easy puzzle yesterday at his country retreat well before lunchtime, but his advisors became concerned on finding that Murdoch had forced a square bit into an orifice that could only be described as ‘approximately square’.

At first, no one dared challenge the media mogul’s authority, but as the clock ticked steadily towards dinner, Murdoch’s wife demonstrated that the segment belonged to an entirely different section, prompting a furious response. Murdoch thundered,

“But It looks that way on the box!”

Murdoch is old

Murdoch’s wife encouraged him to look again at the illustration, depicting the dangerously overcrowded locomotive as it courses through the Wiltshire countryside, whereupon he realised his mistake.

Taking his son’s arm, a visibly distressed Murdoch muttered, “This is the most humble day of my life.”

Murdoch’s wife Wendi told reporters, “James then pointed out that one of the train doors was on back to front at which point Rupert sent his fist crashing against the table, dislodging several key pieces which, if I’m honest, looked wrong anyway.”

“He then propped the box upright and started over again. At that point I went out for a sandwich.”

At the height of his powers, a blindfolded Murdoch could complete a two thousand piece jigsaw whilst in less than a day, but last night sources close to him conceded that this one may yet go unfinished.

Murdoch now faces a series of awkward questions, namely ‘who authorised the hacking’ and whether the light blue segments are supposed to be ‘sky’ and should therefore go at the top.

Senior News International advisor, Larry Mulligan was instrumental in restoring calm to the befuddled magnate. Mulligan said, “I asked him if he fancied a game of Mousetrap instead, but he just gave me one of those looks.”

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