Thursday 21 July 2011 by Formelia Alberthine

Mancini steps up efforts to sign like-for-like Argentinean mercenary


Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini has stepped up his efforts to sign a like-for-like replacement Argentinian mercenary for the departing Carlos Tevez after reportedly lodging a £40m bid with Atletico Madrid for the services of striker Sergio ‘Kun’ Aguero.

The Italian tactician is anxious to ensure the loss of Tevez has as little impact to his team’s morale as possible by employing someone just as likely to be repulsed by the vagaries of the city of Manchester.

Mancini told journalists, “When you lose someone like Tevez, a man of so little substance that if you put him in the bath he would turn to pulp, it is vitally important that you go out and spend tens of millions of pounds on a player who is just as likely to struggle with the millionaire lifestyle in northern Britain.”

“It needs to be a seamless transition, and such players are expensive.”

“It would only serve to de-stabilise the team by signing someone already settled in England.”

“The squad’s hatred of the city is what makes them the dysfunctional unit that took third place in an extraordinarily weak Premier League last season.”

Tevez replacement

Tevez himself is said to have recommended the transfer to his fellow countryman.

“I spoke with Kun as I feel I have been in Manchester long enough to almost become an ambassador for all the rain that falls and the crime that makes the city what it is.”

“Plus the two restaurants in the city change their menu on a daily basis.”

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