Thursday 21 July 2011

God becomes embroiled in ‘illegal monitoring’ scandal


God is watching you

God has found Himself at the centre of mounting controversy over the alleged illegal monitoring techniques used to gather information about the activities of the people on Earth.

There have been rumblings for a few hundred years that someone who can see ‘everything’ can only be doing so by invading your privacy, and now those accusations have reached fever pitch.

One alleged victim told us, “I locked my door, closed my curtains, and turned off the lights, and yet according to my pastor he STILL knows exactly what I was doing? How is that possible?”

“Unless of course he’s using illegal means to track my every move, and maybe even to hack my thoughts – all completely without my permission!”

Illegal monitoring allegations

God’s representatives on earth have so far been unable to sufficiently answer the detailed questions asked of them, raising the possibility that God will be called before a Commons Select Committee in the near future.

A Whitehall insider told us, “We questioned Vatican officials for over an hour, and the short version is that they have no idea how HE does it, just that HE does.”

Glenn Mulcaire has been quick to distance himself from the controversy, telling reporters, “I am happy to go on record and say I have never, nor will I ever be, an agent of God.”

Potential privacy violation victim Mike Williams, told us, “I want to see the evidence of the illegal monitoring he has performed on me during my life, and all the records he kept.”

“Just how extensive are his notes on me, and how much of that information has he shared with other deities? Particularly, you know, him downstairs.”

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