Tuesday 19 July 2011 by Spacey

Government considering badger air strikes


The government has not ruled out the possibility of air strikes as it pushes ahead with controversial plans to needlessly kill badgers.

The government insists that there is strong evidence to suggest that badgers have been taking drugs and raping cows in the south-west of England.

“We cannot stand idly by while badgers commit these atrocities against other animals,” said the Environment Secretary, Caroline Spelman.

“We have issued numerous resolutions against the Badgers, yet they continue with flagrant disregard for due process.”

Badger cull

Campaigners opposed to military action have condemned the possible use of air-strikes, insisting such action would be futile in light of badgers having access to a series of underground tunnels and bunkers.

“Air strikes will not solve the problem,” claimed Jack Reedy of the Badger Trust.

“Cows do not have the access to underground bunkers that badgers have, so it is inevitable that this action will do more harm to cattle than good.”

Badgers have remained defiant despite the threats of a military smackdown, with Badger spokesman Mussa Ibrahim insisting, “Badgers will decide if and when they will leave the countryside, not the government.”

Badger officials then took selected journalists to a secluded wooded area where the discarded barbecues of their oppressors spewed vast amounts of smoke and flames.

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