Wednesday 13 July 2011 by Gary Stanton

Sainsbury’s develops resistance to Jamie Oliver


A branch of Sainsbury’s in the West Midlands has developed resistance to chipper TV bacterium Jamie Oliver, it emerged last night.

The new strain of supermarket, which is made out of bricks, first showed signs of resistance when a member of staff asked why in God’s name would anyone want to sprinkle nutmeg on spaghetti.

And scientific analysis of staff at the store in Dudley found many of them to be not particularly passionate about food.

Things came to a head last week when Seafood Counter Operative, Joe Egerton, 42, admitted to ‘failing to understand fish’ .

The supermarket giant has since announced it will eradicate all remaining traces of JO after finding that many of its workers prefer to heat stuff up in a microwave, rather than poach sea bass on a beach surrounded by a bunch of failed actors.

Jamie Oliver resistant supermarket strain

Oliver infected branches of Sainsbury’s in 2000 and set about swamping them with ‘fresh produce’ that was ‘locally sourced’.

But a survey of the store’s customers later revealed that, when it comes to things being locally sourced, many of them were ‘not that arsed’.

Oliver will be formally killed off in a final Christmas advertising campaign when millions will watch him succumb to food poisoning after gorging himself on a selection of pukka meats from a Sainsbury’s hamper.

Last night a spokesman for the chain said, “Sainsbury’s are delighted to announce that, as of next January, we will recommence the selling of eggs from demented battery hens because they’re a lot bloody cheaper. “

“Bish bash bosh.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: