Tuesday 5 July 2011

Manchester still hideous, insists Tevez


Manchester City forward Carlos Tevez has submitted another transfer request after insisting that Manchester is still exactly as hideous as it was when he last submitted a transfer request.

Tevez told reporters that his family failed to settle in the area, giving further proof to the theory that being plucked from poverty and being forced to live in the lap of luxury whilst having people cater to your every whim just isn’t for everyone.

He said, “Growing up in one of the poorer areas of Buenos Aries did not prepare me for life in Manchester.”

“The weather is still as bad as last time I said it was bad, and I’m still surrounded by Mancunians.  It’s hell.”

“I have tried to pretend it is somewhere else, but at the end of the day, I’m still in Manchester.  There is no amount of money in the world that could keep me here a day longer.”

Tevez to leave Manchester

Manchester residents have expressed concern at what other means they will have for scaring their children into behaving once Tevez leaves the country.

Mancunian Stella Gallagher told us, “It was the bogey man when I was a kid, but these days the simple phrase ‘Carlos is coming’ has them screaming in terror and tidying their rooms faster than their Uncle if there was a policeman at the door.”

“The life-sized poster on the landing might be going a bit far, but it seems to work for me.”

“Sure, there’s a few wet beds, but at least they do as they’re told.  Tevez will be a huge loss, certainly.”

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