Tuesday 5 July 2011

Al Qaeda issues News Of The World condemnation


Al Qaeda have issued a formal condemnation of the News Of The World, insisting that deleting the voicemails of a recently murdered schoolgirl in the hope of hearing a few more grief-stricken messages is just ‘too much’.

The Rupert Murdoch owned newspaper is accused of hacking Milly Dowler’s phone in the hope of securing a juicy titbit for use in their tawdry rag, a move which gave false hope to her parents whilst the search was ongoing.

The Al Qaeda statement read, “Even as an organisation that dedicates itself solely to the destruction of the Western way of life, we recognise there are some things you just don’t do.  This is one of them.”

“The fact that there are two and half million godless infidels that pay money for this disgusting filth is doing wonders for our recruitment drive, so thanks for that.”

“And when sales remain high on Sunday, despite this sickening revelation, everyone will realise that all hope for your civilisation is gone, and we will see applications from the home counties to go through the roof.”

News Of the World scumbags

The government has admitted this latest set-back is making it increasingly difficult for them to give Rupert Murdoch full control of BSkyB without looking like the impotent puppets they so clearly are.

A Whitehall insider said, “What we really need is some form of plausible deniability on Murdoch’s part, even if it’s not very plausible at all – then we can go ahead with our plans give him anything he wants.”

“I mean, if he tells us that he had no idea this sort of thing was encouraged at a newspaper at which he maintained full control, then we have no reason not to believe him, right?”

“Just look at him, who wouldn’t trust that face?”

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