Monday 4 July 2011 by Formelia Alberthine

Concern at quality of social care should be capped, say government


The amount of concern people give to the quality of social care in England should be capped at ‘not that bothered’, according to the latest government figures.

The statement comes after an independent review suggested a maximum lifetime levy of £35,000 to cover the costs associated with being regularly mistreated, which raised concern in the office of Health Minister Andrew Lansley.

The minister told reporters outside Westminster of his dismay at the suggested proposals, intimating they betrayed the naivety of all those unfamiliar with the workings of modern politics.

“Providing sub-standard care, is in itself an exceptionally difficult thing to get right.” he told reporters.

“That’s before you have asset stripped the party in need of full care an attention. All those family heir looms and wide-screen tellies don’t just sell themselves you know.”

“Its a labour intensive process to cash in on another’s misfortune, but nonetheless necessary in securing a lifetime’s worth of mashed banana and slaps to the face.”

“People need to limit the amount of entirely unnecessary concern they have for these people.”

Social care reforms

Lansley went on to suggest that social care should have its own parameters of entitlement.

“Those expecting to be dependent on health care at some stage in their life should ensure they buy household items of a certain quality.”

“And all products should be under warranty to ensure we can make maximum at re-sale.”

“No warranties, no care.”

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