Friday 1 July 2011

We don’t employ young Britons because we’ve employed young Britons, firms tell Government


After the government urged UK firms to employ more young Britons rather than relying on labour from abroad, firms have been quick to say they don’t employ young Britons because of their years of experience in actually employing young Britons.

Secretary for State and Pensions Iain Duncan-Smith said that just because workers from abroad were better qualified, cost less, and had a much better work ethic, was no reason to employ them ahead of their unemployed British counterparts.

“Employing the best candidate for the job is such short-term thinking,” Duncan-Smith told a conference in Madrid.

“Employing a domestically-grown benefit consumption unit does much for the country at a time when we choose not to, so give them a job. Pretty please?”

“You never know, you might be really really lucky and get one of the good ones. But that’s not a guarantee and my lawyers assure me you can’t hold me to it.”

Employ Britons – please

Small business owners have told Duncan-Smith that they would be happy to employ a young Briton, just as soon as they stop being thoroughly horrendous human beings.

Forman Mike Jones told us, “I work on a lot of building sites, and in my experience if you tell a Pole to dig a hole he’ll keep going until you stay ‘stop’, or he is ankle deep in molten lava.”

“But ask a British youngster to do the same thing and they’ll insist they’ve got the wrong type of gloves before invoking a full health and safety assessment.  So yeah, I won’t be using any of them, thanks.”

British youngster Dave Williams told us, “Duncan-Smith wants me to break my back doing a foreigner’s job for £5.93 an hour? No thanks, Jeremy Kyle is on in a minute.”

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