Thursday 30 June 2011 by @JohnnyBeelzebub

Liverpool medical team on red alert for return of Alberto Aquilani


The 40-strong crew of medical staff at Liverpool are working split shifts around-the-clock in an effort to prepare for the imminent return of Alberto Aquilani.

Aquilani left Turin this morning in a military-style operation in an attempt to get him to England without picking up another injury, which minders have describe as being ‘like playing blindfolded frisbee with a pane of glass when your hands are covered in oil’.

The midfielder is expected to land in John Lennon Airport this afternoon where teams of paramedics are already on the scene with stretchers in hand and four ambulances in tow.

“Well, you can never be sure how many pieces he’ll arrive in,” club physio Ian Medley explained.

“He already picked up an injury as he left the house because some idiot let him out without his safety goggles.”

“So being Alberto, he’s managed to get a whole leaf into one of eyes that’s gone all the way round the back.”

“Still, he’ll only be out a couple of months,” Medley added. “I guess they remembered not to let him walk to the car.”

Bills

Liverpool had been trying to offload the Italian but are resigned to keeping him until January at least, as nobody is prepared to pay £60,000 per week in wages, ‘plus double that in medical bills’.

Physio Medley has said that the club’s medical staff are delighted that Aquilani will be returning, however, adding, “We could all use the overtime.”

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