Thursday 30 June 2011 by Spacey

Changes to self-defence laws encourages public sector to ‘tool up’ to protect pensions


Public sector workers have said they will protect their pensions with a variety of sharp implements after Justice Secretary Ken Clarke said that stabbing someone who is trying to take your property will not be classed as a criminal offence.

Mr Clarke’s comments that people were entitled to use “whatever force necessary” to protect their property have led to union leaders asking him to clarify exactly what he means by ‘property’.

“The use of knives would put us in a much stronger position during negotiations” said Mary Bousted, general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers.”

“On the key issues where we are taking strike action, the government has said it won’t listen.”

“However, they may take a more flexible approach if I pulled out a machete, or an axe.”

Public sector strike

Public sector workers have welcomed the proposed changes to the laws surrounding people’s rights to defend their property.

UK Border Agency worker Simon Matthews said, “It’s certainly put this whole pension reform issue on a more level footing, and I imagine the Francis Maude’s smug expression will be a little different when facing an eight-inch blade.”

“That said, I guess the coalition will actually send all their Lib Dems to try and take our pensions first.  Acceptable losses and all that.”

56 year-old Religious Studies teacher Miriam Price told us, “I’d rather my pension rights stayed the same, but it’s a comfort to know that if the government do try to take what’s mine then I’ll be perfectly within my rights to cut them up.”

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