Monday 27 June 2011 by Formelia Alberthine

Glastonbury tax avoidance protest marred by U2 performance


An anti-tax avoidance protest at Glastonbury was ruined by four Irish men with musical instruments and a microphone, according to the event organisers.

Members of Art Uncut, an offshoot of the larger direct action group UK Uncut, were demonstrating at tax avoidance by recording artists who move their business to Holland, but were thwarted by recording artists who have moved their business to Holland for tax reasons.

Activist Gabriel Dunne explained, “Everything was going just perfectly.”

“We were ready to take our message to all those at Glastonbury, and the millions of television viewers around the world, and to explain about U2’s decision to snub the Irish people in a way Bono would never tolerate if it were being imparted on Africans by Western powers.”

“But as soon as the opening bars of ‘Even Better Than the Real Thing’ rang out to reveal the spectre of having to actually watch Bono for a sustained period of time, our plans began to fall apart.”

U2 tax protest

Dunne went on, “Most festival-goers and viewers alike, rapidly came to their senses and began to search for some less repulsive entertainment elsewhere.”

“A number of our supposed members also felt the sacrifice of listening to any more the self important warblings and sycophantic contemporary references of Bono was too big a sacrifice to make, no matter what the cause.”

Charity campaigner Michelle Davies had the final world, telling us, “Did you know that every time Bono clicks his fingers, somewhere in the world a tax accountant rubs his hands together?”

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