Friday 24 June 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

Mud discovered on farm in Somerset


Reports are emerging from the South West of England which appear to suggest that water has fallen from the sky to the earth, creating a fascinating brown substance.

Scientists have noted that the ‘browny oozy’ has the ability to transcend the barrier between solid and liquid, and believe it to be something known as ‘mud’.

Geologists insist it is not the first time mud has been discovered in the area and that it has actually been there and everywhere else ‘since the dawn of fucking time’.

Locals have backed this opinion, claiming the appearance of the substance is an annual event which happens just days after a ritual of the occult is conducted at an ancient monument nearby by a mysterious group of wizards.

“They call themselves druids,” local Steve Michael revealed, “and it’s something to do the sun.”

“I’m sure they must tell it to go away because that’s exactly what happens and before you know it, water starts falling from the sky and that’s when we get the browny oozy.”

“Seriously. The world should know about this and you should keep repeating it until they do.”

Mud migrants

If the appearance of these annual muds was not strange enough, another group of nomads descend upon the farm to wallow in the sludge like ‘thousands of water buffalo’ or ‘flood-stricken refugees’.

“If you think that’s weird you should try talking to them,” said farmhand Justin Brett. “They absolutely adore the shit.”

“They reckon it’s a gift from the earth mother and that it has the cosmic power to draw out any impurities, by which I think they mean most of their brain cells and all of their money.”

“From what I can see it seems to work.”

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