Wednesday 22 June 2011 by Spacey

Over 65s are shit at drinking, reveals research


A report by the Royal College of Psychiatrists reveals that the over 65’s are rubbish drinkers whose bodily functions are no match for superior youngsters.

The report highlights that older drinkers drastically cutting down on the amount of alcohol they consume could have a significant impact upon how much they smell of piss.

“An average 25 year-old man would have to indulge in a session lasting in the region of 12 hours before he finally collapsed in his own filth,” revealed Professor Ilana Crome, Professor of Addiction Psychiatry and chair of the group that wrote the report.

“The over 65’s experience the same fate after just half a pint of lager or a small glass of wine.”

Elderly drinkers

The report also revealed the small amounts of alcohol required to make the elderly dance like twats or make crude sexual innuendos.

“The use of expressions like ‘have it off’ or ‘having a stroke’ were significantly amplified after as little as a few sips of sherry.” revealed Professor Crome.

The elderly have reacted to the news that they should consider reducing their intake of alcohol as they approach death with disdain.

“Come ‘ere, come ere, I love you, you big bastard!” revealed 78 year-old Edna Kirkland before soiling herself.

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