Tuesday 21 June 2011

Oceans just need a rebrand, claim management consultants


Leading management consultants have claimed that the only way for the Oceans to halt their decline is to undergo a root and branch rebranding exercise.

Scientists have concluding that issues such as over-fishing, pollution and climate change are acting together to reduce marine wildlife, but consultants have insisted a new logo could be the oceans’ saviour.

Management consultant Marcus Shilling told us, “Think about it, the word Ocean is derived from the word ‘Oh’ and ‘Shun’ – both heavy with negative connotations.  They were doomed to fail.”

“We would suggest a world-wide relaunch following a heavy period of focus group activity to choose a name dripping with vibrancy and excitement.”

“Our early work shows that the words ‘Magipond’ and ‘Waterocity’ should provide the image we’re looking to portray.”

Oceans declining

Leading marine conservationist Professor Simon Williams said  a rebrand was unlikely to work, telling us, “I fail to see how putting a new name on it will stop everything dying.”

“That said, I do have a strange desire to spend time in the Magipond, especially now there aren’t any fish in it.”

Marcus Shilling concluded, “See, told you.  Right, that’ll be fifty grand.  Thanks.”

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