Tuesday 21 June 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

Belfast witnesses outbreak of Christianity


Belfast Rioter

Homes in East Belfast have been touched by God through hundreds of masked men who were captivated by His Holy Spirit.

Both Protestants and Catholics were united in their displays of devotion, generously giving each other the gift of brick and stone so that all could share in the blood of Christ.

There were even reports of some bestowing petrol bombs and bullets upon their brothers so that they could sooner rejoice in the eternal life after a painful, premature death.

“Never did I expect to see such scenes outside of the Holy Land,” eyewitness Luke Johnson confessed.

“But seeing it has really reaffirmed my faith in my completely distinct branch of Bible-bashing.”

From Bethlehem to Belfast

Johnson continued, “OK, you might think it’s all based upon that special night in Bethlehem, when three wise men gave the baby Jesus the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.”

“But I’m afraid this is Belfast and we tend to think a little differently because we don’t have many wise men here, as I think you can see.”

“So on our special nights, all we give our babies are the gifts of hatred, violence and shitty Scottish football.”

Community leaders have made announcements regarding the display and, in modesty befitting of Jesus, have given all the credit for initiating the stone-sharing to their neighbours.

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