Monday 20 June 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

Winehouse blames Serbia’s poor quality cocaine


Amy Winehouse was too drunk to sing at her concert in Serbia because the local gear was not good enough to level her out, the singer has claimed.

The star staggered and mumbled throughout her 90 minute performance but insists that she would never have appeared to be that drunk had the Belgrade blow not been ‘like baking powder’.

“I knew it wasn’t the best when I first sampled it after my brandy breakfast,” Winehouse explained.

“Because in the same way a wine-taster can detect the mere suggestion of elderflower or chrysanthemum, I was getting less than subtle hints that it was cut with Caribbean washing-up powder and a little Chilean rat poison.”

“It may surprise you to hear this but I’m a bit of a cocaine connoisseur, actually.”

Further tests

The singer’s suspicions were confirmed less than twenty minutes later, after further testing had been conducted upon the substance.

“It was when I was about half-way through the second kilo that I knew it wasn’t quite up to my standards,” Winehouse continued, “because I wasn’t even beginning to get high.”

“Which would have been a little worrying with me due perform within minutes but thankfully I’d managed to get through a couple of gallons of vodka so I was way too pissed to care.”

“Besides, who do these Serbians think they are getting, anyway? Kylie fucking Minogue?”

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