Friday 17 June 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

You’ll have to start making plates at weddings, EU tells Greeks


The European Union is to impose further austerity measures upon Greece which will ban the breaking of plates at weddings, and force newlyweds and guests to make some instead.

For centuries, Greeks have considered it their birthright to throw crockery around like confetti, shouting “Oopah!” for good luck and to ward off evil spirits; but the EU now believes ‘it was broken plates that broke the Greek economy’.

“It’s half the problem,” German Chancellor Angela Merkel explained. “They work really hard for up to half a day, only to blow it all on plates that won’t last the weekend.”

“Even those who don’t like it have racked up debts for the Greek crack habit, after feeling pressure from their peers to ‘keep up with the Gionsopouloses’.”

Break away from tradition

The EU is now demanding that the people of Greece turn the tradition on its head for the good of their economy and more importantly, the good of Europe’s.

“We want their celebrations to be less like weddings and more like workshops,” European finance minister Olli Rehn insisted.

“Guests should no longer expect free meals with displays of wanton destruction but expect to earn the meze and moussaka by making some plates.”

“And none their circle ones, either, because the rest of us can still pay premiums for plates that are square.”

“We understand their hardships and want to soften the blow,” Rehn added, “so if they make a thousand in an hour they’ll still be allowed to shout ‘Oopah!’.”

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