MPs have initiated a campaign to make members of the House of Lords endure the explosive rants and incandescent temper tantrums of Sir Alex Ferguson.
Two Manchester MPs have tabled a Commons motion calling for the 69-year-old to be awarded a peerage, so that he may unleash his Glaswegian wrath to improve the indefensible workrate of the country’s eternal underperformers.
“I wouldn’t want to be in that chamber when he goes off,” nominating MP Tony Lloyd told the Commons.
“But it’d make great television seeing him twitching nervously on the edge of his familiar red seat, quietly chewing his gum between the Lord of Strathclyde and Lady Wooton.”
“Before jumping up from the backbenches, rushing onto the floor and telling the Lord Speaker that she’s ‘having a fucking laugh, son’.”
Lloyd continued, “And just think that one day he might completely lose it and kick a boot across the room and catch the captain of the Church of England right in the eye.”
“Now that for me would be worth any subscription; certainly more than the football is.”
While some concede that the Manchester United manager may be the man to strike a balance between the left and right wing, others are worried at the prospect of having Sir Alex lording it over all of us.
“Well, he’s already running the Premier League through the rule of rage so it wouldn’t be long before he was running the country with fits of fury,” Lord Sugar argued.
“I mean – I thought that was why we got rid of that Gordon Brown, wasn’t it?”
“And besides, I think we have enough insufferable hypocrites in Parliament to deal with as it is.”