Friday 17 June 2011 by Gary Stanton

Iran to send live homosexual into space


Iran Space programme

Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad yesterday unveiled a space capsule designed to carry a live homosexual into space, in a move sure to set alarm bells ringing throughout the Middle East.

Hamid Fazeli of the Iranian Space Organisation said, “Thanks to our glorious scientists, the Kavoshgar-5 rocket will be launched during the fairly holy month of Mordad with the 285kg capsule capable of carrying the creature to an altitude of 120 kilometres.”

Mr Fazeli has touted the launch of a life-size gay as the first step towards sending a real human being into space, which Tehran has scheduled for 2020.

Originally scheduled to launch in August 2010, the satellite was built by Malek Ashtar of the University in Tehran, which is linked to Iran’s elite Heterosexual Revolutionary Guards.

But the program hit delays and Ashtar came under fire after several engineers noticed that the rocket was shaped a bit like a cock, a problem not helped by twin spherical rocket boosters.

Iran in space

The chosen ‘astronaut’ is none other than Abou-Ali Farid, a street-trader, who was sentenced to the death penalty after being found in a possession of a Pet Shop Boys CD, some trinkets and a 40 watt halogen light bulb.

Meanwhile the mission faces strong opposition from other hardline regimes in the region, including Yemen and Syria who believe that the merest presence of Farid in the ionosphere could turn their airspace gay and have banned the use of words such as ‘thrust’ and ‘re-entry’.

Should the launch prove a success, the predominantly male administration has plans for an ambitious follow-up program featuring what it considers to be higher life-forms such as amoebae, cockroaches and transgender monkeys.

Last night an upbeat Ashtar said, ”The monkey can withstand the considerable G-force much better than a homosexual.”

“And they do whine a lot less.”

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