Friday 17 June 2011 by Formelia Alberthine

Arsenal fans learn schedule for next season’s Premier League capitulation


Arsenal supporters are this morning anxiously reviewing the proposed schedule for next season’s Premier League capitulation, following the release of the fixture list for 2011/2012 season.

Many of the clubs fans see the month of February as the most dangerous of the campaign, as the mere sight of the finishing line coming into view tends to see their players display all the clinical ability you’d expect from a Southern Cross care home.

Manager Arsene Wenger says he hoped the release of the fixture list would give the team’s fans enough time to come to terms with their inevitable failings, with him incurring less criticism as a result.

He told reporters, “I view the release of the fixture lists a bit like drafting the guest list for your own funeral, you know, who’s going to be sitting where, who likes mayonnaise on their salad sandwiches, that kind of thing.”

“So I do sincerely hope that the grieving process for avid Gunners can begin now.”

“It would release so much pressure on the players, to know, that finally, our fans know there is more chance of Tomas Rosicky going a whole season without picking up an injury than there is of any silverware returning to the Emirates.”

Premier League Fixtures

Wenger went on to assess his charges in plain terms, telling reporters, “We are a bit like Freddie Mercury.”

“Awesome when playing up front, but playing at the back could leave you in serious trouble.”

Arsenal fan Charlton Chester said he had pencilled in April 7th as ‘Capitulation Day’.

“At home to Man City with just six games to go? Yeah, that sounds like the perfect time for Arsenal to finally throw it all away.”

“I’ve booked the Monday off especially.”

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