Thursday 16 June 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

Miliband confuses Cameron with incredibly clever cock-up


Ed Miliband has created mass confusion among the coalition by displaying signs of artful cunning and woeful stupidity as if they are exactly the same thing.

The Labour leader appeared to reach an intellectual nadir yesterday by criticising the prime minister for continuing a policy that his own party had implemented, while at the same time laying an ingenious trap, baiting the heartless Tory into branding cancer sufferers ‘a smokescreen’.

“It was the most accomplished piece of ineptitude that you could ever hope to see,” a clearly humbled David Cameron conceded.

“And no – I don’t know what that really means, either, but it’s still the best example of whatever the hell it was that I’ve seen or heard of.”

“As far as I’m aware, there’s not even a word in my old university’s dictionary to describe that kind of erudite buffoonery, is there?”

“I suppose you could say that he just came at me like one big oxymoron,” he added, “which isn’t a million miles away from the term I’d usually use for him.”

Clever act

Detractors have used this first example of Miliband doing something intelligent to suggest that he is incapable of doing anything without appearing to be a half-witted dullard, but supporters are now claiming that his constant displays of unelectable stupidity are actually a clever ruse to lure the government into a false sense of security.

“His bumbling is one big bluff,” a Labour backbencher insisted. “Well, it’s what I’m hoping for, anyway.”

“I’m sure he could bring his brain out of hibernation any time he liked but such is the nature of the double-switcheroo that he’ll be doing it the instant we least expect it.”

“I just hope it’s not too long after the next election.”

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