Wednesday 15 June 2011 by Gary Stanton

Pub brawls at 30,000 feet ‘the norm’ by 2050, insists Airbus


Aviation experts at Airbus claim recent advances in airborne pub technology could see the first drunken passengers come to blows before the middle of the century.

Scientists who have been working round the clock to create the world’s first fully operational ‘air-bar’ claim that threatening to cut the hands off a stewardess because of a poorly stocked drinks trolley will have soon become a thing of the past.

The design of a membrane-like transparent fuselage will create room for a sculpted bar area with futuristic mood settings enabling travellers to steadily up their drinking as the effects of high-altitude kick in.

Charles Champion, Airbus’s Executive Vice President of Engineering said of the project, “It’s basically a massive bar with a plane built around it.”

“State of the art features will allow us to recreate all the ambience of a surpisingly well-lit Croxteth branch of Wetherspoons at kicking out time on a Friday.”

Airbus 2050

Champion continued, “Customers who have consumed too much alcohol will be able to take their grievances ‘outside’ thanks to the creation of a virtual car park area.”

“Here one can select a range of arguments from a touch screen menu, including traditional ground-based favourites such as ‘did you spill my pint?’ and ‘I just stuck twenty quid in that fruit machine you jammy bastard’.”

“And anyone travelling with us who feels their honour has been called into question may then respond with one of our customised solutions such as ‘Aye and what the fuck are you going to do about it you miserable streak of piss?’.”

Champion concluded, “The great thing about moving through different time zones is that last orders never arrives, it just gets postponed indefinitely.”

“Your round.”

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