Wednesday 15 June 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

Police thwart conspiracy to prevent another Joss Stone album


Police in Devon have arrested two music lovers for conspiring to prevent Joss Stone from releasing her next album and murdering another Motown classic.

The pair were apprehended after a vehicle was seen near the singer’s home, suspiciously playing the original versions of several ironic songs which Stone had since covered and completely destroyed.

“They were in a car outside her house, listening intently and respectfully to the late Otis Redding’s classic  ‘(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay’ ,” one eye witness, James Hastings, revealed.

“I didn’t think there was much wrong with that but then I realised that they were somehow resisting the urge to sing over it in a blatant attempt to ruin it or ‘make the song their own’ as Joss Stone would probably describe it.”

“And when I saw that they didn’t even join in for the whistling bit at the end, the alarm bells really began ringing, because I knew then that these men were music lovers, that they were out for revenge and that Joss Stone’s next album was in grave danger.”

Evidence

Senior police sources have yet to reveal whether the album was on the premises when the incident occurred but have confirmed that the two suspects are indeed music lovers.

“They didn’t fit the profile at first because they were from Manchester,” Detective Inspector Steve Parker admitted, “and they just had the usual stuff that Mancunians have, like a few swords and body bags.”

“But we then found them to be carrying plans a vast collection of Aretha Franklin LPs which were in pristine condition, as well as some seriously rare grooves from Sly and the Family Stone.”

“I’m sure that evidence will see them imprisoned for a very long time,” Parker added, “where they can hopefully do the decent thing with Pete Doherty instead.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: