Thursday 9 June 2011 by Matt Owen

UN Chief calls for power to do more than just call for things


Ban Ki-moon, the UN Secretary-General, today called on world leaders to grant him the power to do more than just call for things that sound great, but probably won’t happen.

“The thing is,” reported an aide, “ceasefires, peace, social justice, the eradication of AIDs by 2020 – all that stuff’s great. Really, really great. But just calling for it? It gets a bit tiring after a while.”

There are reports emerging that Ki-moon has been suffering from an acute loss of self-esteem in recent months, as a result of what one source termed “no-one really listening to him.”

“We’ve seen it before with other political figures,” said Dr. Howard Green of Harvard University.

“They get themselves into a position of power, and then suddenly no-one seems to want to listen to anything they have to say. It’s tough for them. Nick Clegg is the obvious example.”

UN keen to call for more stuff

However, whether this will be Ki-moon’s final call remains to be seen, with reports suggesting that some in his inner circle believe the habit of calling for things will be a difficult one to break.

“It’s tough,” said his aide. “You get into a routine of calling for things, you know? I mean Ban’s even found himself calling for things outside of work. In the subway in NY he’ll just suddenly start calling for fare reductions.”

“So yeah. There’s a worry that he’s been calling for things for so long that he won’t be able to just give it up.”

Sources say that if his bid for more power fails, Ki-moon will have to resort to calling for things more often, and in a slightly louder voice.

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