Thursday 9 June 2011 By @JohnnyBeelzebub

Cameron orders ministers to rethink anything ministers have been thinking of


The Prime Minister has announced that he has ordered ministers to rethink any thoughts that they have ever had, particularly where the public now knows what they were really thinking.

Just two days after asking Health Secretary Andrew Lansley to rethink what is still going on inside his head, Mr Cameron asked for Justice Secretary Ken Clarke to perform a similar internal review of his own.

The Prime Minister explained, “The Justice Secretary’s proposal to reduce sentences for the really nice violent criminals – which I approved of just a few weeks ago – has suddenly and inexplicably become very unpopular with me.”

“I accept that they admit that their guilt early and keep their hair neat and their cells tidy, but for some strange reason I don’t think that’s enough to let a rapist out on the rampage any more.”

“It was the same with Andrew Lansley’s plan for the NHS becoming unpopular with me without any warning. I guess I just don’t want him on the the loose committing a similar unprovoked attack against the health service.”

“I don’t know why I’ve had this change of heart, but these things can happen,” he added, “especially when there’s a public outcry.”

Rethink reassurances

Mr Cameron has assured his ministers that he is not calling for them to withdraw the policies that the government’s finances are completely founded upon, or merely pandering to public opinion, either.

“This is in no way an attempt to do something that the public want me to do,” the Prime Minister continued, “nor is it attempt to do something I have been elected to do, or something that my party expect from me.”

“I’m simply asking my ministers to reconsider their ideas for just a few moments, in the same way that I might be forced to reconsider their jobs.”

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