Hair from across the scalp of Manchester United footballer Wayne Rooney has shocked the 25 year-old forward by submitting a formal transfer request.
The request is sure to leave Rooney disappointed, especially after the expensive transfer which took place only earlier this week.
A statement for the hair read, “It’s the dream of any hair growing up out of the limelight – like somewhere behind the ears – to see themselves at the forefront of the head. But this move has been a complete disaster.”
“The looks we get are frightening, and to be honest I’m homesick. I was perfectly happy being in among my friends just above the neck, but I was wooed by the thought of all the attention.”
“It all happened so fast I didn’t really have much time to think about it.”
“One minute a guy in a white coat was looking at me through a magnifying glass, the next I’m front and centre at the top of a Neanderthal’s forehead.”
Rooney’s hair transfer
A return to the hair’s previous location looks unlikely, though experts are suggesting that there are still opportunities for a talented follicle to find a home on project Rooney.
Hair specialist Franz Carruthers said, “There are plenty of places this hair can go about its business out of the glare of the spotlight.”
“There’s the armpit, the back, the scrotal sack. If you’ve seen Rooney recently you’ll realise the opportunities for growing hair are almost limitless.”
“Well, apart from on the top of his head.”