Monday 6 June 2011 by Spacey

Astrologists as likely to get it right as we are, admit leading economists


With experts contradicting themselves with regard to planned government austerity measures, a large group of economists has finally admitted they have absolutely no clue what’s going to happen.

With one group of economists painting a gloomy picture of the future if the government press ahead with their planned cuts, and another group predicting a gloomy picture if they don’t, the centre ground of ‘who knows?’ is growing momentum in financial circles.

In a letter, signed by a number of economics experts, the group have admitted that the opinions of economists are now officially worthless, and the government should consider enlisting the help of astrologers to draw up a chart to get a clearer picture of whether their policy of deep spending cuts will work.

Astrologists have been quick to add their support to the suggestion that a system of divination founded on the notion that the relative positions of celestial bodies can predict the future of the economy.

Not a clue

Astrologist, Hermatica Starcraft, predicted that George Osborne and David Cameron will use ordinary workers to fund the UK recovery, while pretending to look concerned, as they say they understand how difficult things are.

“What? No, I haven’t drawn up a chart yet. To be fair I don’t think it’s really necessary when it comes to the coalition.”

After all, Nick Clegg is a Capricorn, but you don’t need to look at the stars to know that he’s completely fucked.”

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