Wednesday 1 June 2011

Ryanair keen to move into the care home business


The BBC’s Panorama expose has convinced Ryanair’s management team that care homes offer them the perfect opportunity to exploit their unique brand of physical and psychological abuse at ground level.

Winterbourne View care home in Bristol is likely to be seen as the inspiration for the next expansion of the Ryanair empire.

Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary told us, “I think most people know that when it comes to deeply unpleasant experiences at the hands of people paid to look after you, no-one even comes close to Ryanair.”

“To be honest, we didn’t think repeating this model on the ground would ever take-off, as it were, but we’d never considered care homes – it’s perfect.”

“We have them paying us, though possibly indirectly, in addition to their complete inability to escape during their time with us.  Just think how many scratch cards we could sell.”

Care homes exposed

Former Ryanair passengers have reacted with horror at the thought of experiencing Ryanir ‘services’ whilst on the ground.

Mike Davies told us, “I’ve flown Ryanair a couple of times, so I wouldn’t expose my worse enemy to that kind of treatment. Never.”

“That said, I told my parents when they didn’t get me that BMX for my tenth birthday that one day I’d have my revenge – I think this is it.”

“Sign me up for two adults some time from 2018.”

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