Wednesday 25 May 2011 by Formelia Alberthine

Rapture followers given new date to look incredibly stupid


The evangelical broadcaster who left thousands of his followers crestfallen by his failed ‘rapture’ prediction, has given them a new date on which to look like complete morons by re-scheduling Armageddon for 21st October.

Family Radio President, Harold Camping, said it had ‘dawned’ on him that there were still thousands of people stupid enough to continue to chuck all their worldly possessions his way.

Despite his statement having having all the authenticity of a Milli Vanilli world tour, many have admitted they are desperate enough to try their luck at Camping’s attempt to ensure their passage to the most prestigious venue of all.

Camping told an interviewer that Armageddon was being put off a little longer than he would have liked to allow for any debris from the Icelandic volcano eruption to clear.

“A whole number of factors came together to put a slight delay to the disintegration of all that the planet holds dear.”

“One of which is the partial disintegration of the planet around Iceland.”

“Armageddon can’t just be turned on like that, no matter what you might think.”

Rapture Mark II

Camping continued, “The good Lord foresaw the treachery of that damned Icelandic volcano, and knew he couldn’t expect Jesus just to sweep up all his followers to Heaven if there was going to be such severe flying restrictions in place for the British Isles.”

“It was never a one-day job anyway.”

Camping went on to offer his sincere apologies to all those who had liquidated their continued means of survival, expecting to be dining on God’s never-ending tab by Sunday evening.

“Of course I’m sorry they haven’t got anything more to give me this time round.” Camping continued.

“Maybe they should think about getting me some money by committing crime in the name of the church?  Maybe they could embark on some elaborate world-wide confidence tricks?”

“I can assure you they’re an absolute doddle.”

I Survived The Rapture T-Shirt

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