Friday 20 May 2011 by @JohnnyBeelzebub

Shane Warne to devote his balls to cheating women


After two decades of using his googlies on corrupt cricketers, retiring Shane Warne has now promised to save his world famous balls for the likes of Liz Hurley.

Warne is to play his last ever game of cricket today and it now looks certain that the once balding Aussie will never again stick it up the English, unless it’s Hugh Grant’s former lover or some other married woman.

“Well it’s the obvious transition,” Warne’s friend, Kevin Pietersen explained.

“Once you’ve seen one cheat, you’ve seen them all, and if you look very closely, you’ll see that Mohammed Asif and Liz Hurley are actually no different. No different at all.”

“And if I know Shane, he’ll deal with them both just the same – by doing his best to get his length right and have it edged into fine leg.”

Warne to refocus balls

Many have highlighted other parallels in the move as Warne swaps the most confusing game in the world, for the one thing that is even more perplexing – women.

“If he can understand cricket, then he’s probably got as much chance of understanding them as any other bloke,” admitted one ordinary man.

“But he’ll still struggle to answer that dreaded question ‘Do you notice anything different?’.”

“Though with him the answer will probably be ‘You’ve got rid of your wedding ring’.”

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