Friday 20 May 2011 by Spacey

One Million people apply for tickets to foregone conclusion


More than one million people have applied for tickets to see Usain Bolt win the men’s 100m final at the 2012 London Olympics.

There are 40,000 seats are available for the event, with the other 40,000 already snapped up by corporate sponsers and VIPs who are considered significantly more important than actual athletics fans.

Applicants will be keeping a close eye on their bank accounts to get an indication of whether they’ve secured a £725 ticket for the showcase final or a £20 ticket for some tedious ‘sport’ they would genuinely struggle to care less about.

London applicant Suzy Fowler said, “I’ve got an exciting few days ahead of me, repeatedly refreshing my online back account and trying to work out from how much is taken whether I’ve got a ticket to see something where everyone knows the winner, or something no-one gives a rat’s toss about.”

One million into forty thousand

Fan of inevitable outcomes Dan Logan told us, “I’ve got as much chance as anyone else.”

“If I don’t get tickets to see Usain Bolt win the 100m, then hopefully I’ll still be in with a shout of watching the Ethiopians win gold, silver and bronze in the 10,000m.”

Some ticket applicants have revealed that they purposely avoided what many consider to be the main event, with 42 year-old Miriam Champney of Cheltenham telling us, “If I wanted just under ten seconds of excitement followed by a feeling of ‘is that it?’ I’d have sex with my husband.”

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