Friday 20 May 2011

Munich Re employees all begin working like bastards


Employees of the world’s largest re-insurer, Munich Re, have reacted to the news that top-performing salespeople were treated to an orgy with high class prostitutes by starting to work like bastards.

Though the organisation has announced that the incentive policy is no longer in place, many thousands of workers insisted that they’re simply not willing to take that chance.

42 year-old Account manager David Michaels said, “Given the choice between a commemorative carriage clock or having my balls licked by a ridiculously expensive prostitute I’d have to say ‘I already own more than enough clocks thanks’.”

“I’ve spent  the last few years doing just enough to keep my job and take the odd nice holiday, so I can’t believe I didn’t realise the true rewords for excellent performance.”

“I’ve been here til midnight every night since the news broke.”

Munich Re Orgy incentive

Munich Re have received plaudits from across the industry for the ingenious way in which they’ve improved the efficiency of their staff overnight.

Human resources analyst Shane Williams told us, “They have really tapped into the psyche of their employees, and you have to say that judging by the improved performances so far, any HR managers out there should think about having their own similar incentive scheme.”

Bracknell plastic merchants Mike Long said, “I’m a small business man, but I like to learn form the big boys when I can.”

“We’re not in the Munich Re league yet, but if you hit 150% of your target we’ll pay for someone to wank you off behind ASDA.”

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