Wednesday 18 May 2011 by Matt Taylor

Where the feck are Brian May and Roger Taylor, asks Ireland


Millions of Irish people have taken to the streets to express their outrage at paying millions for a legendary rock gig only to find a badly-dressed old woman and her racist husband wandering round their capital city.

“Our Government told us were paying £26 million to bring Queen to Dublin this month,” said shocked housewife Roisin Doyle.

“It seemed steep, but we figured it was the going rate – based on London West End prices – for at least one performance of ‘We Will Rock You’.”

Her husband, Finbar, who had donned an elaborate rubber Freddie Mercury tribute costume to attend the concert, was left extremely disappointed.

He told us, “The only person impressed with my outfit was Prince Philip, who said he was surprised more of us didn’t come as a leprechauns.”

Queen, no not that Queen, in Ireland

Elsewhere in Ireland, security forces have stopped dissident Republicans who were carrying an explosive device towards Dublin whilst listening to ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ on their iPods.

The dissidents said it was just meant to ‘give a bit of oomph’ to the finale of Bohemian Rhapsody, a claim rubbished by opponents as ‘about as likely as the Reverend Ian Paisley hosting Amateur Strip Night at Dublin Pride’.

A Police spokesperson described the security outlook for the rest of the Royal visit as ‘moderate to bomby’.

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